Sharing

This post is kind of a response to the “I struggle, therefore I am” post on Lateshow.org. It’s been some time since I really shared things about my personal life on this blog. But now is the time for it. I do feel the need to share this with you and I hope I’ll get some response or helpful thoughts from you.

I’ve been overweight since I started my secondary education, which seems like ages ago now. I’ve never been bullied because of my weight, but the looks people give you are bad enough. What they think is clearly written across their faces. I’ve learned over time that I shouldn’t care too much about what other people think of me, but from time to time it still hurts. It also hurts to see all those beautiful and slimmer people everywhere around you. The worst part is, most of them don’t understand. They think all I do is eat and probably think I choose to be overweight. They don’t know what it’s really like to deal with being overweight every single day in this society.

It has turned into a daily struggle with myself. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I think: it’s not that bad, you do look nice. But most times I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror. It has never gotten to the point that I truly hated myself for what I saw in the mirror, I do have some dignity left, but I’ve certainly had my share of desperate moments. Over the years I have drastically changed my eating-pattern and started to exercise more. Not that I ate that much before anyway, which is the bit most people don’t believe. So here’s my eating-pattern:

Every day I drink three liters of water, a mug of coffee, a mug of milk and a glass of a light drink without fizz. For breakfast I eat three slices of crackerbread with cheese and cucumber. For lunch I eat two slices of bread with a tomato, banana or sandwich spread on them. Between lunch and dinner I eat fruit: an apple, two tangerines, an orange, or whatever is available. For dinner I just eat normal and my mother doesn’t cook very fat. I only eat chips and other deep-fried stuff one time a month. I eat half a bag of crisps a week and that’s it. I have banished all biscuits, candy, chocolate or other things like that. I exercise five days a week: I do 30 minutes on the exercise bicycle, in which I do over 20 kilometers. And I also go for long walks with my mother several times a week.

And you know what? I still don’t lose considerable weight! And because I don’t, I now even start to feel guilty about that one bag of crisps, although I no that’s nonsense. So tell me, as you might have a more objective view. Do I eat too much according to the above? In your honest opinion? Please tell me, because I’m getting quit desperate. My mother is even afraid I may eat too little. I don’t know really, I’m not starving myself. I do know this is going to be my last attempt. If I haven’t lost at least five kilograms after the Christmas break I’m going to see a doctor. Maybe I have a problem with my metabolism or something, because I'm starting to believe this isn’t normal and I simply can’t go on like this…