Thursday, February 03, 2005


I wish to warn you in advance that this is going to be another “I’m so utterly pissed and frustrated”-post. If you’re not in the mood, don’t read it, but I have to let off some steam.

What the frustration and annoyance is about this time? Well, about what my frustrations are usually about: my brother. Some time ago we agreed as a family that we would all take over some of the housework my mother normally does. She can’t do everything anymore since her rheumatism has gotten a lot worse. On the days we’re home and don’t have to go to university we would do some chores that my mother would instruct us to do. As I no longer have any lectures but have to work at home I do as much as possible every day, because I can see my mother isn’t doing very well. My brother has been home for 2 weeks now because he has an examination period (2 exams in 2 weeks), but he hasn’t done anything. He hasn’t studied, hasn’t done the chores my mother asks him to do, hasn’t gotten out of bed before 12.30 in the afternoon as my parents requested, etc. All he has been doing is sitting behind the computer playing his stupid games and taking up the computer when I have to work on it for my study.

A few days ago our internet-connection wasn’t functioning, but I needed it badly for the paper I had to turn in the next day. I asked by brother at 11.15 to get out of bed to try and fix it. By 12.00 he finally came downstairs, looked at the computer for 20 minutes and said he didn’t know how to fix it. I should go and work at my uncle’s place. I was pissed, but I had to finish it so I went to work at my uncle’s computer who lives 2 houses from us and did have an internet-connection. When I came back 4 hours later he was playing a computer game (and had been doing so the entire time I had been away) and hadn’t even taken out the dog, so I had to do that in the pouring rain. He just kept on playing his game for the rest of the day. Some time in the evening my brother needed to check his mail and all of a sudden we had internet access again after 2 minutes of work. I could have killed him. I really could have. He just wanted the computer for himself to play games all day and not have me working on it. That fucking bastard!

Sometimes I wish I could just not care about what my parents ask or advice me to do, like he does. But I’m not like that. I can’t. I don’t know how he can. He must feel nothing for them or myself but contempt. I do know my mother is as fed up with him and the way he acts as I am. If he doesn’t pass these two exams she’s going to kick him out… Maybe then he'll start thinking about what he has put us through. Probably not though...


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