Saturday, May 21, 2005

Good day little brother

You know how I told you in my last post that my brother had been openly hostile towards me during the last week and I didn’t understand why. I think I figured it out. He must have found out about certain posts on this blog. Hence the title. Maybe one of his friends came across my blog and told him about it or maybe he finally decided to take a look at my writing. I can understand he doesn’t particularly like me anymore. The truth hurts, even though it’s only my truth. I’m not saying my truth is the absolute truth, but neither is his. I’ve kept silent long enough, and I’m not going to do it anymore. If he is allowed to spread his truth, I have the right to spread mine. If my brother or parents are unreasonable or annoy me, I’m going to write about it, because it’s a major relief to be able to write about it. I have to get certain things of my chest because if I hold it back I’m only going to feel worse.

I’m not saying my brother is a bad friend. I’m not saying that at all. I guess he’s a great friend, because if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be out so much. I’m merely saying that there have been many times during the last couple of years that he’s been an absolute nightmare at home. As a brother and a son he’s been a nightmare, but not as a friend. The thing he doesn’t seem to understand is that if he disrespects my parents and my mother in particular it impacts me as well. No matter how frustrated I sometimes am about how my parents treat me, they still mean a lot to me. So if you disrespect them or treat them like shit, don’t expect me to treat you the same way I did before. It changes how I look at a person. And if you treat me like shit on top of that I’m not going to like you anymore. Actions do have consequences.

I’m not saying my brother’s behaviour hasn’t improved during the last year. It has. But his behaviour is still lacking too often. He doesn’t seem to have learned much from the last couple of years. That’s what makes me so sad. He’s an adult now, so he should know better. He should take responsibility for his own actions, like the rest of us.

The only reason why I’m still living at home is because I know once I’ve finished my thesis I’m out of here. I’m leaving all this mess behind and I hope the relationships I have with my parents and my brother will recover once we’re not living together anymore.

Despite everything, I still love you little brother...


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